Mark 10:1-12 - What Does Jesus Say About Marriage
Here is one of the key tests of your belief in the authority of the Word of God. Will you obey God, even when your marriage is in agony? Will you uphold what God says, or will you do what the Pharisees did – misinterpret the Word of God in order to do what you want? The excuses for divorce are plenty – you’ve heard them.
Old songs like, “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” by the Unrighteous Brothers, or Usher’s “Papers”, or “Mr. Know It All”, or “King of Anything” encourage a divorce mentality. Marriage is not a business deal, a civil contract, a piece of paperwork, or an acquisition that can be dissolved. Marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse, and God.
The question this study guide will work through today is this. Is divorce or remarriage ever allowed by God? Scripture gives four circumstances where the answer is yes.
ONE: When there is the DEATH of a spouse
God actually encourages remarriage for younger widows. 1 Timothy 5:14 says, “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” Romans 7:2-3 gives us further instruction: “ 2 For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”
TWO: When a divorce or remarriage takes place PRIOR TO TURNING TO CHRIST
People who divorce when they are unsaved are slaves to sin. For the person who is now saved and is struggling with this question, our Pastoral advice would be for them to consider this question: is there any chance that your previous marriage can be reconciled into a CHRISTIAN marriage? Here are some guidelines:
We do not believe the Bible prohibits this person from remarriage because they were unsaved when they sinned in their previous marriage. We can expect nothing more from sinners than to SIN. We cannot bind God’s commands to Christians on the unsaved. They are incapable of keeping them. Yes, they are accountable to God’s law in the sense they will be condemned to hell for their sin if they reject the Gospel of Jesus Christ… but in daily life, they only become responsible to follow Christian teaching once they actually become a Christian (this is the issue of salvation not sanctification). They certainly may have consequences to deal with from their unsaved life, but remember that BEFORE they became a follower of Christ they did not have the Holy Spirit living in them to enlighten their hearts to spiritual truth.
THREE: When there is a particular kind of ABANDONMENT
In 1 Corinthians 7:15 we are taught that divorce and remarriage is biblical: “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” If a non-Christian couple gets married, then one spouse gets saved and the unbelieving spouse no longer wants to live with the Christian, and the unbeliever divorces the believer because of the believer’s faith, and the unbeliever leaves, that Christian is free to remarry. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, “they’re not under bondage” (NASV).
FOUR: When there is ADULTERY
Jesus makes this really clear in Matthew 5 and 19. Matthew 5:32 says, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9 says, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”
Apart from death and pre-Christ divorce – remarriage, adultery, and abandonment are the only circumstances where divorce can be considered as a last resort option for the true believer, who genuinely will not desire it. Adultery breaks the marriage union, and abandonment breaks the marriage vow. Those actions sever what God designed, and what God has joined. But never forget – although divorce is allowed under those exceptions, divorce is never commanded nor required. If the sinning partner repents of his/her sexual immorality reconciliation and restoration are God’s ideals. Divorce is not a command; but divorce is a concession.
ONENESS IN MARRIAGE: How do you live with your spouse Biblically so that divorce can be prevented?
Pursue ONENESS in your marriage. Do you have it? Do you know what “oneness” looks like? Here are some questions to consider:
Does your marriage have “Common Direction?”
Cherish, adore, delight in and take care of your spouse – are you doing this?
Forgive your spouse like Christ forgave you – 70×7. Don’t keep score.
Love your spouse, even when they act like an enemy (Jesus told us to love our enemies).
Endure under the trial of an indifferent or difficult spouse.
Stop all damaging behavior, habits or words that hurt marriage – like removing the idea of divorce from your mind and mouth.
Fight for regular time with your spouse without the kids.
Become a member of MTBC – we will love you enough to pursue you, chase you, and confront you if you ever give into the temptation to leave your spouse.
Study marriage - read great books and listen to helpful sermon series on marriage. Next to Christ, your spouse is your highest priority, over your kids and jobs. Husbands work at your marriage. Wives cooperate with your husbands.
Make time to invest in your marriage. Consider Biblical marriage counseling from one of the Pastors if you need to clarify marriage issues.
- It’s better for the children, they won’t see us argue anymore.
- Divorce is the lesser of two evils – God led me to this divorce.
- We’re incompatible.
- There are irreconcilable differences.
- I’m not happy anymore.
- The feelings are gone.
- I don’t love him anymore.
Old songs like, “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” by the Unrighteous Brothers, or Usher’s “Papers”, or “Mr. Know It All”, or “King of Anything” encourage a divorce mentality. Marriage is not a business deal, a civil contract, a piece of paperwork, or an acquisition that can be dissolved. Marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse, and God.
The question this study guide will work through today is this. Is divorce or remarriage ever allowed by God? Scripture gives four circumstances where the answer is yes.
ONE: When there is the DEATH of a spouse
God actually encourages remarriage for younger widows. 1 Timothy 5:14 says, “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” Romans 7:2-3 gives us further instruction: “ 2 For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”
TWO: When a divorce or remarriage takes place PRIOR TO TURNING TO CHRIST
People who divorce when they are unsaved are slaves to sin. For the person who is now saved and is struggling with this question, our Pastoral advice would be for them to consider this question: is there any chance that your previous marriage can be reconciled into a CHRISTIAN marriage? Here are some guidelines:
- If the person’s ex-spouse has become a Christian (and never remarried), and wants to reconcile as Christians in a Christian marriage, then as Pastors we would say that should be the person’s first consideration. However, if God is clearly saying in this person’s heart to not remarry then that person has to be willing to obey God’s voice. Remember, as a Christian, our priorities are this: 1) Obey God’s Word. 2) Obey our conscience that is in harmony with God’s Word and led by the Holy Spirit.
- If the person’s ex-spouse is remarried and they want to reconcile, the answer is “no” because that would require that another divorce take place.
- If the ex-spouse is an unbeliever and that person wants to reconcile, the answer is “no” because that would result in being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
- IMPORTANT: God never tells us to commit sin in order to obey another biblical command or to correct a previous sin.
We do not believe the Bible prohibits this person from remarriage because they were unsaved when they sinned in their previous marriage. We can expect nothing more from sinners than to SIN. We cannot bind God’s commands to Christians on the unsaved. They are incapable of keeping them. Yes, they are accountable to God’s law in the sense they will be condemned to hell for their sin if they reject the Gospel of Jesus Christ… but in daily life, they only become responsible to follow Christian teaching once they actually become a Christian (this is the issue of salvation not sanctification). They certainly may have consequences to deal with from their unsaved life, but remember that BEFORE they became a follower of Christ they did not have the Holy Spirit living in them to enlighten their hearts to spiritual truth.
THREE: When there is a particular kind of ABANDONMENT
In 1 Corinthians 7:15 we are taught that divorce and remarriage is biblical: “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” If a non-Christian couple gets married, then one spouse gets saved and the unbelieving spouse no longer wants to live with the Christian, and the unbeliever divorces the believer because of the believer’s faith, and the unbeliever leaves, that Christian is free to remarry. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, “they’re not under bondage” (NASV).
FOUR: When there is ADULTERY
Jesus makes this really clear in Matthew 5 and 19. Matthew 5:32 says, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9 says, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery.”
Apart from death and pre-Christ divorce – remarriage, adultery, and abandonment are the only circumstances where divorce can be considered as a last resort option for the true believer, who genuinely will not desire it. Adultery breaks the marriage union, and abandonment breaks the marriage vow. Those actions sever what God designed, and what God has joined. But never forget – although divorce is allowed under those exceptions, divorce is never commanded nor required. If the sinning partner repents of his/her sexual immorality reconciliation and restoration are God’s ideals. Divorce is not a command; but divorce is a concession.
ONENESS IN MARRIAGE: How do you live with your spouse Biblically so that divorce can be prevented?
Pursue ONENESS in your marriage. Do you have it? Do you know what “oneness” looks like? Here are some questions to consider:
Does your marriage have “Common Direction?”
- Do you know where you and your spouse are going as a couple?
- Are you both excited about getting there?
- Are you dreaming together?
- Do you and your spouse communicate deeply and openly?
- Do you feel connected to your spouse?
- Are you and your spouse committed to each other and your marriage?
- Are you willing to pursue new ways to better your marriage?
- Are you growing in the Lord – together and separately?
- What does your physical intimacy look like?
- Do you hold hands and hug often?
- Do you kiss? When was the last time you grossed your kids out by your demonstrable affection?
Cherish, adore, delight in and take care of your spouse – are you doing this?
Forgive your spouse like Christ forgave you – 70×7. Don’t keep score.
Love your spouse, even when they act like an enemy (Jesus told us to love our enemies).
Endure under the trial of an indifferent or difficult spouse.
Stop all damaging behavior, habits or words that hurt marriage – like removing the idea of divorce from your mind and mouth.
Fight for regular time with your spouse without the kids.
Become a member of MTBC – we will love you enough to pursue you, chase you, and confront you if you ever give into the temptation to leave your spouse.
Study marriage - read great books and listen to helpful sermon series on marriage. Next to Christ, your spouse is your highest priority, over your kids and jobs. Husbands work at your marriage. Wives cooperate with your husbands.
Make time to invest in your marriage. Consider Biblical marriage counseling from one of the Pastors if you need to clarify marriage issues.
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